Most likely you’ve already got something in mind to answer this question. If not, don’t sweat, there are always reasons to own a burning laser. These reasons range from the novel to the practical, from the ridiculous to the sublime, from the nobly scientific to the ignobly moronic- not that we, as purveyors, condone that.

The truth is that lasers are an underused technology. There are doubtlessly important applications waiting to be discovered, be it for science, industry, healthcare, et cetera. Those discoveries won’t come about in a faraway laboratory- the smart money is on the amateur enthusiasts who come up with germs of ideas when they’re using their lasers day-to-day.

Like this: a burning laser makes a terrifically flashy campfire tool. You can spend forever trying to get the right spark-yielding stroke on your flint and steel, but it’s much more impressive to set some match-heads at the heart of the kindling and take aim with your concentrated beam of monochromatic high-energy light.

Besides, think about the concept of matches for a second: do you really want to get your fingers that close to something you hope will burst healthily into flames, or are matches simply what you’ve always used? Imagine the next Fourth of July, starting off your fireworks display from a safer distance, letting your loved ones breathe easier, generally having a better time.

Speaking of loved ones, home-made gifts are worth so much more in sentimental value. Consider engraving a picture-frame with some choice quote from your wedding vows, or the transcription of that first note you passed in eighth grade. Burning lasers are capable of that, often with greater fluidity than metal wood-burning implements can afford.

Maybe that doesn’t interest you because you’re single, with no better half to rid you of your bad habits. In that case, picture yourself lighting your stogies with a laser, preserving the integrity of the flavor with no tainting combustions such as lighter fluid or match-head chemicals- just pure smoke from pure light.

But not in front of kids; they’re impressionable. Instead, giving a demonstrative lesson about the physics of light to the little ones in your life allows you not only to self-validate your adult wisdom while fostering a deep-seated awe for optic phenomena in young minds fast becoming saturated with technophobic anti-science media, but it grants you another excuse to pop a balloon from a distance. Never forget the instinctual joys.

They’ll invariably ask in disbelief, “You did that with a laser?” and the pleasure of affirming that question will be entirely yours. There is never a lack of reasons to own a burning laser, and their versatility truly reflects the uniqueness of those who use them.